Me and my bf broke up last week. We said things to each, things were left unsettled. I have so muh hostility?

towards him, filled with resentments for the things that we've said and did to each other. We've yelled at each other a lot, and you would think aftering yelling, after a break, we would get back together to talk about it. Not this time, we bring up the past and throw at each other's face during arguments, guess even though we had talk it through, the past hurt never healed. Last weeks argument was very explosive and I stormed out of his home and haven't spoken to him since. I do miss him, but I don't want the kinda relationship that he and I had anymore. I almot punched him in the face and I dont' want to allow myself to get to that point, even though right now it sound pretty good. I feel hurt, angry and sad. I wake up feeling sad, during the day I feel good, then at night i feel angry. I feel like things were left so unsettled, but I don't want to see him and I don't want him to see me cry or upset..I want him to think that I don't give a damn at the same time, I want him to reach out, what to do