I Don't Know What to Do. Help Please?

I'm aware this is long, but please, read all the way through before you answer. I'm 15, and I've been depressed for about 2 or 3 years now. I know that the word "depressed" tends to be overused nowadays, but I'm pretty certain that I actually am. Every day I just sort of dread getting out of bed, and it's hard enough just to get through the day. It's been here for a while now, but just within the last couple of months it seems to have gotten significantly worse. I'm homeschooled, and both of my parents work, so I'm home by myself for a large part of each day. I have siblings, but I'm the youngest and they've all already left home. I'm also pretty sure I've become addicted to , it's what I do for alot of the day while I'm here by myself. I used to... enjoy it somewhat, but now that's gone. Along with everything else. I'm pretty antisocial, seeing as I'm not around people all that much, and I usually spend most of my days procrastinating, or playing video games. I'm surprisingly not overweight for how little I do and how much I've been eating lately. I'm not poor or anything, I have loving parents, and friends as well, but yet I'm still somehow always unhappy. I don't know why. I feel like a loser for wasting the past few years of my life, and even though my dad tells me he's proud of me, I somehow have always gotten the feeling that I disappoint him. I just don't really see how he could like me, seeing as how much of a failure I am. I'm not really very good at anything. Really. I fail so much at like every single thing I try, it's ridiculous. I'm usually just sort of like the... "comic relief"? Type of thing among everyone I'm around. They all laugh and I do too, but it still just gets to me that I'm not really good at anything. I don't know why I'm so unhappy still with all I have, it makes me feel like even more of a loser that I'm still sad and complaining even though I'm fairly fortunate, I guess I'm just ungrateful. I first became depressed a few years back when I was diagnosed with psoriasos, not sure if I spelled it right, but it's some skin disease that's basically just like bad dandruff on any given part of your body, I got really depressed then, I'm not sure why now. It really wasn't that bad, I suppose. Back then I told my parents that I was depressed and I ended up taking antidepressants and going to see a psychologist and stuff, none of that seemed to work, but it ended up just going away on its own mostly, or atleast to the point of me being able to hide it. So as far as my parents know, I'm perfectly happy. I'm very much not. I can't remember the last time I went throughout an entire day without thinking about suicide mulltiple times. Sometimes I just sorta space out and think about ways I could kill myself. I want to die, but I haven't mustered up the courage yet to do it. I'm sort of a . I've prayed and prayed about it for about the first year and a half or two of the depression asking god to help me feel better but apparently he doesn't really mind if I'm sad and want to hang myself. Fair to say I've mostly lost any faith I once had. That's another thing that concerns me, wil I go to hell if I kill myself? Does hell even exist? Is there a god or do we decide what happens? I've started cutting myself, which is a pain in the *** to try and hide from everyone I know. I just hate living through every day, and I think I do myself in soon. I've just become disgusted with myself and everything in this world. I've seen pretty much anything thinkable, there's nothing left that I can think of that I want and nothing seems to make me happy. Please don't just answer "Go see a therpist u need help". I really don't see how talking to someone on a couch while he charges my parents $100 an hour will help me feel better. But even if it somehow would I don't want to tell my parents because if I do, my mom will have to quit her dream job that she just got and loves and stay home and listen to me complain and waste thousands of dollars on therapists and meds that will magically cure me. Also, my dad has been having back problems lately and has had to take alot of time off work, so without either of them working, we'll be poor, and it will all be because of me. I feel like I'm a major burden to everyone around me. I also don't have any friends that I would feel remotely comfortable talking to about this, except maybe my ex, and she doesn't want to listen, which is understandable. Ah yes, I've only had one girlfriend ever and tbh she was sorta ugly. I'm pretty sure I'll never get another one. So I'm sort of stuck in this dillemma. I'm tired of living and I hate it, yet I can't kill myself. But if I tell anyone, it will just get worse because I'll cause alot of problems which will make me feel worse, not to mention it will be sorta awkward being around any of my friends acting like I'm happy when they know that I'm depressed and am not actually having